Beyond Reason

Pulling Back the Curtain… just a wee little bit

Posted in Pure Nonsense by Abigail on January 3, 2007

To blog about blogging, or not blog about blogging? That is the great blogging question. Second only to it is: how many times can I get the word “blog” in one sentence?

Winter break is ending and I will return to school in a few days. It is with deep sadness that I must now take life seriously. No longer can I blabber on on my opinions of the world. No longer can I take advantage of this great free online digital soapbox. Oh yeah! I love blogging! I never realized that if you couldn’t get published all you had to do was publish yourself! I am the greatest. I am sure! Doesn’t everyone want to know what I eat for breakfast, how I live life as the great me, and who I’m dating? Ahhh, I know the blogosphere welcomes me with open arms.

My carefully thought out posts are SEVERELY censored. I’m a national security threat otherwise. And my own social life is always in danger. I could incinerate that at any moment. Watch me go!

Actually the point of this post is to say that I will be posting less. That’s all. But, you know. This is one of those posts that slipped by the censors. (They were sleeping. I always tell myself not to make big decisions at night.)

So, expect nothing less than less posting.

Yours truly,

The self-censored national security threat theologizing philosophizing blonde hero smashing fool

Does anyone have a name for my blog? I can’t think of one…


Elves and Trauma

Posted in Pure Nonsense by Abigail on December 21, 2006

I have been inspired by the greatest of question of our time: how many of us were actually traumatized by Santa’s fictional nature? In other words, how many of us were devastated by the fact that he’s not real? Gasp choke. Oh my.

Well, I have conducted some very scientific research (I specialize in Santa Clausology) and have implemented some of the work I did on my dissertation (entitled Why Santa Should be Real). My elves (I hired a few from Santa. The rest came from Middle Earth) created the forms, the database to sift and calculate the data, and a web site which can only be accessed from the North Pole (or Middle Earth). Since they generated the tools for my methodology, you’d have to ask them any questions you may have on the credibility of my research. I refer you to the elves!

First, I asked myself (what any unbiased researcher would do). And then I based all further results off my own. Growing up, was I traumatized by the slow realization that Santa Claus wasn’t real? After thinking about a half second, it came to me: No! I wasn’t! I don’t think I was a superbly rational kid – I was just intelligent beyond all reason. Wait, that’s not what I meant to say. But, it’s true – there was no pain, no crying, no emotional disturbance over Santa’s nonexistence. In fact, this realization made such an impact on me that I have no memory of it!

Until recently, Santa has had practically no impact on my life. But the claim has reached my ears that many kids are traumatized by Santa’s unreality.* What to do with such a claim? Well, first find out if it’s true. Hence, my “research.”

Dave, who works in the cube near mine, was baffled by my question. No, he wasn’t traumatized, didn’t know anyone who was, and couldn’t imagine anyone who would be. Gary, who works next to Dave’s cube, had the same response. Damian, who works across from Gary, thought hard – no one. Michael, next to Dave, told me a story that had nothing to do with my question and then finally answered: no. Bill – The Boss – had the same response: no trauma. Of my two roommates, I’ve polled one: she was not traumatized and knows no one who was. This is an odd pattern… (Although this morning I asked the other one and, she told me, in all seriousness, that she was. I just stared at her for a couple minutes and then she confirmed the horrible truth – my theory has one statistic against it. So we’ll throw that out.)

To continue my stellar research, I am posing the question to you: were you traumatized by Santa’s unreality (or know anyone who was)? I know this is very personal…

*This claim was made in the middle of a very worthwhile conversation on the origin and value of Christmas, for a Christian. While I obviously view this particular claim, as, uhm, questionable, the rest of the discussion was worthwhile.

Blonde Superheros

Posted in Pure Nonsense by Abigail on November 21, 2006

I’m obviously eminently suited for pop culture analysis. (I’m still trying to determine if the Fresh Prince of Bell Air is a musician or TV show). And I have a rhetorical question to ask:

Has there ever been a convincing blonde superhero?

No!! There hasn’t! (I couldn’t help it – I just couldn’t help it.) So who came up with the blonde Bond? James Bond can’t be effective with blonde hair! Here’s the crux of the matter: you just can’t take blondes seriously. As I’ve just opened a can of worms and jumped inside, let me say that I love my blonde friends – nothing against them. But I couldn’t imagine any of them as superheroes. Steve H, on the other hand, is a superhero waiting to happen. It’s the brown hair. I’m probably a superhero waiting to happen too. You never know. I would have the skill of… talking too much… and losing all my friends…

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the closest thing I could think of to a blonde superhero, a republican blonde superhero at that. There are Charlie’s Angels but they are NOT superheroes. They’re in some classification all by themselves and they can stay there. Storm, well she’s not much of a superhero either, or very blonde. Just mostly white.

So, case in point. I win. There are no convincing blonde superheroes. The new James Bond movie will be a flop.